HR Hell

While I think we should be sensitive to others, shouldnt they be sensitve to us too??

The following memos are from a HR director to employees

RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas party will take place at Luigi's Open Pit BBQ.  No host par, but plenty of eggnog!  We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.  And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa!

RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We reconize that Chanukah is in important holiday which often coinsides with Christmas, though unfortunatly not this year.  However from now on we will be calling it our 'HOliday Party'  The same policy applies to our employees whe are clebrating Kwanzaa at this time
Happy now?

RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I recieved from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non drinking table, you didn't sign your name.  I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore,
How am I supposed to handle this?  Anyone?

RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex duing daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accomodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.  Perhaps Luigi's can hold off serving your meal until the end of the party?  The days are so short this time of year, it may be dark.  Or else you can take your meal home for later? Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for  the members of overeaters anonomous to be seated farthest from the desert buffet adn pregnat women will have the table closest to the bathroom.  Did I miss anything?

RE: Holiday Party
So, December 22 marks teh Winter Solstice.  What do you expect me to do, fire regulations at Luigi's prohibits the burning of sage by our "Earth based Goddess-worshiping employees, but we will try to accomodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.  Okay??

RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up as Santa!  Even if an anagram of Santa happens to be "satan".  There is no evil conotation to our own "little man in a red suit"  It's tradtion folks, like sugar shock at Halloween, family feuds over Turkey at Thanksgiving, or broken hearts at Valentines day.  Could we please lighten up?

RE:Holiday Party
Vegetarians?!?!?!  I've had it with you people  We are going to keep the party at Luigi's Open Pit BBQ whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the furthest table from the "grill of death" as you so quaintly put it.  You will get your &$^#*$^ salad bar including hydroponic tomatoes... but you know tomatoes scream when you slice them.  I've heard them scream! 

From: John Smith: Acting HR Director
RE: Holiday Party and your HR Director
Im's sure I speak for all of us in wishing my predicesor a speedy recovery from a stress related illness and I will continue to forward your cards to the sanitarium.  In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas!

*no beliefs were harmed in the writing of this and no disrespect intended.  Just illustiratring how we go to far:)